It’s a New Year. I love new beginnings of any kind. New beginnings give me hope. One thing I love about teaching is that I get to start over every September. So now it’s a new year and while nothing looks different, I feel a sense of expectation. I don’t know precisely what I am expecting, but I have faith that God has good things for me this year. Maybe this is the year that…….who knows?
I read a book the last day of ‘06 that has me thinking: THE LOST CHOICE by Andy Andrews.
I found the book at the library when the words “third row, top shelf” popped into my head. This book seemed to stand out in that particular row, so I checked it out. This is one of those rare books in which fiction bears witness to such profound truths that the reader is drawn to relate these truths to her own life.
One of the major themes in the book is that of connectedness. Through out the story there are instances in which the decision of one person affects someone else in some way, then someone else is affected by that person, and so on. History would have been changed if the person making the original decision failed to make that decision. Seemingly small things turn out to have great consequences. I often think that what I do will make little difference to anyone but me; but maybe that’s not true. If I avoid making a decision that could have great consequences as well. When I think of doing something and never get around to actualy doing it, perhaps I am robbing someone else down the road of something good that would have come from my action. I can see that I need to be more intentional about making decisions and acting upon the desires and ideas that I have. I almost didn’t go to the library that day, but I decided to. I decided to look in the third row on the top shelf even though I thought it was a bit crazy. I read a book and have been changed by the truth in the words therein. Soon I will be called upon to make a decision of some sort that will connect with someone else; and the cycle will continue as long as it needs to. There are so many connections in life, and we miss most of them; at least I do. It is humbling to think that a conversation, or a smile, or angry words, or a good deed may be connected to people and events both past and future. What I do and do not do is important; even the small things matter.
Confusion
I really don’t feel like writing today. Well, maybe it’s that I really don’t feel like thinking deeply, and to think deeply is necessary to write something that is worth writing. I’m making myself do this however, although why is unclear.
I feel like there is a swirling confusion somewhere within me, somewhere beyond my thinking mind; yes, deeper than that. There is much confusion of course in the world, which, since this is where I live, probably affects me even though I may not be aware of the connections. (But I did learn recently that everything is connected…) Take the weather for instance. January in Ohio should be cold and quite possibly snowy. It feels like spring today and I’ve yet to see a snowflake! It’s raining and warm and some of my little bulbs buried in the ground are tired of waiting for the freeze and have started to sprout. The winter birds seem strangely absent lately as well. I don’t know where the cardinals and blue jays could have gone, they usually frequent my yard all year long. This is all weird.
I’ve been doing a bit of research on what to do to improve my general health and immune system. I even had a hair analysis done, which shows specifically what minerals are out of balance in my cells. The lab that does this also then outlines which supplements to take to help with the problems, and makes dietary recommendations. I got the results back today and was feeling rather overwhelmed as I read all this stuff, realizing that I may not even be able to afford to take all the supplements that are suggested. This stuff is all well and good, but even this can’t be the WHOLE solution, as is suggested. More confusion.
Now and then I’ll catch up on the latest in the Episcopal world over at Father Jakes. Talk about confusion! I’m not talking about Fr. Jake’s writing, he’s quite clear. The stuff that’s happening is confusing and I think that some people are getting totally confused about who God is and what Jesus wants his followers to act like. I can’t read too much of this stuff; admittedly, it gets to me.
Well, I could go on about all the confusion in the world at large, but I think I’ll stop here before I become confused about confusion. I remind my self (listen now self!) that whatever it is I read or see or think, it’s only part of the total reality. There are lots of connections that I don’t know about, and I must trust in The Great Connector to hold things together and to work things out.