New Thoughts on Forgiveness

I’ve just read another outstanding book by an author that I have mentioned before, Andy Andrews. Island of Saints is an amazing story with the central theme of forgiveness. To paraphrase one of the characters, one can attach one’s whole life to a moment of hurt and allow it to consume and even define one’s very existence. Another character points out that “anger management” simply does not work. We must forgive, and get rid of the anger forever.

My first reaction to that last concept was “not all anger is caused by something that requires forgiveness”, but I didn’t have to ponder too long to realize that this is simply not true. It does seem that all anger can be traced to a moment, or a series of moments, in which a hurt occurs. For instance, I got angry on Friday with a student who would not do his work, disrupted those around him, continually interrupted me when I was talking with other students, and seemed to hear nothing I had to say. As I reflected on this I realized that the real root of my anger could well be that this child acts as though he does not respect my authority. It could also be that he is just plain annoying and I’m mad because it me he is annoying. In any case, I must forgive him for acting the way he does for whatever reason he does so. I also have to forgive myself for letting it get to me and therefore raising my voice a few decibels too high in an effort to control the child. (It worked, but that is beside the point; my reaction was still wrong because it was a reaction caused by anger.)

I pray that as I go about my days ahead that I will recognize anger as it wells up, and recognize who or what I must forgive and then choose to do so. I can see that this is the only hope for any degree of serenity in life!

Cold and Forgiveness

I’ve decided it’s time to get back to writing.

Today was to be my first day back to work since my illness. Due to extreme cold however, school was cancelled! I’m waiting for the phone call saying that we are off again tomorrow as many schools in the area have already announced that they will be closed. So my first day back is a bit delayed.I believe that yet again God is causing me to work on the development of the gift of fogiveness. I have discovered that my substitute for the past three months apparantly did not do such a great job. I won’t know just how bad things are until I’m back in my classroom for a few days. This is very upsetting to me. Where was the supervision my principal should have been offering, I wonder? I could go on, but I’d best not. Then there were the events of today.

We are blessed to have a fireplace in our home. There is a gas line running to it with a valve, so that you can start the fire “easily”. We had never used it and didn’t know if the valve was on or off by the fireplace; we only knew that the gas was turned off in the basement. I had no desire to ever turn on the gas and had voiced that opinion many times. I think it’s a whimpy way to start a fire and I’m afraid of blowing the house up. Well, hubby got it into his head that he’d just turn the gas on and start a fire the easy way this morning. Problem was, by the time he got up from the basement the house was filled with gas fumes because the valve by the fireplace was wide open.

I ended up spending all morning at the local coffee shop. I figured the last thing I needed was to be inhaling toxic fumes of any sort. When I got home I found hubby lounging in his chair reading a book, completely oblivious to the fact the house still smelled nearly as bad as it did when I left. By God’s grace I was patient as I explained that he needed to turn off the furnace and open windows on both sides of the house for at least an hour. Then I left for the library.

Hungry and feeling sick from the cinnamon roll I’d eaten at the coffee shop, I drove through a fast food place for lunch on my way to the library. That’s when it hit me.
“I’m way too angry”, I thought. “This anger/stress is only going to hurt me, so I have to let it go.” Furthermore, I knew that I had to forgive dear hubby for what I considered to be a totally mindless and thoughtless act. After a few hours at the library I got in the car to return home, knowing that I had forgiven and hoping that I’d be able to stay home once I got there.

As I write this the house smells fine and there’s a nice fire in the fireplace that was started the whimpy way. Hubby is still mentally kicking himself even though I told him that I forgive him, and I’m just weary. School has officially been called off for tomorrow and I am praying for the grace to make the most of the gift of the day.

Forgiveness

Yesterday we used the liturgy from the New Zealand Prayer Book. I found the prayer of repentance very meaningful.

We need your healing, merciful God; give us true repentance.

Some sins are plain to us; some escape us, some we cannot face.

Forgive us; set us free to hear your word to us; set us free to serve you.

Then the priest says:

God forgives us. Forgive others. Forgive yourself.

God strengthen you in all goodness and keep you in life eternal.

Amen

Thoughts:

…some we cannot face… — God can forgive me even when I do not have the strength to face my sin.

…set us free to hear your word to us… — How often, I wonder, do I miss what He is saying to me because I need His gift of freeing forgiveness?

…Forgive yourself… — I find this to be the most difficult thing of all. I’ll tell you my sins, usually even the ones that are hard to face. I’ll stand firm in faith that God has forgiven me. But to forgive myself has always proven difficult in the extreme. God calls me, urges me even, to let go of my sin even to the point of forgiving myself.

…set us free to serve you… — Sometimes I have served from a sense of obligation; at other times as a sort of “penance” because I have not forgiven myself. I believe that God wants to set me free to serve him, at all times, in love for Him and with joy. (Yes Lord! Let it be so.)