There’s No Friend Like an Old Friend

I grew up with Kate. (Kate is not her real name, but I do like to protect the innocent when I’m writing.) Our parents were friends, we went to the same church, we went to the same school and had the same teachers, and we were in some of the same activities. When we were around 9 we went to church camp for the first time in cute matching shorts outfits. When we were teens we went to a church youth conference and came home not speaking to one another. We began our college careers at the same University. Kate was beside me when I got married. Kate and I share some history.

We are very different in many ways, although I suspect that upon close scrutiny we may find that we have more in common that either of us will ever admit to.  Our lives went in different directions many years ago, and while we remained friends we did not make the effort to see one another often. I’ve sometimes wondered why, but I guess I never allowed myself to dwell on it. Kate went to music school and eventually became a minister. I got married, had kids, and eventually became a teacher.  We are just too different to be close, I supposed. At times I’d lament that fact, because at times I’d really miss Kate; but things are the way they are, I reasoned, and there’s nothing to be done about that.

It had been years since I had last seen Kate and I began my summer vowing to myself that this year I would pay a visit. It had been so long in fact, that I was afraid we would be akward together and find little to talk about once we had caught up on the basics. What would I do if, after all these years of absence, Kate had decided that she was better off without ever seeing me? The friendship business can be risky at times, and

Computer Use – Necessity or Habit?

My computer was making a lot of noise….noises computers aren’t supposed to make. I put off taking it for repairs because I imagined it would be very hard to live without the Internet for a week or more. I was right! And I was also wrong!

The first 4 days I actually felt relieved that I didn’t have to ”bother” with the computer. I was surprised! I had never before realized that (sometimes as least) I consider the things I do on the computer to be a bother. Upon reflection I decided that much of what I do on the computer is more habit than everyday necessity. By day 5 I was becoming a little anxious about what may be in my email box and I started thinking about some things I need to type,  but it wasn’t until day 7 that I actually missed having my computer, and that’s the day I got it back.

I’m glad that my computer needed repaired. My experience of being without it has led me to make the decision to choose two days of the week that I will stay away from my computer unless I need to do something for work that just can’t wait.  Two days a week of pretending to go back in time, to BC time…that’s BC for “before computers.” Remember those days? Two days a week without going on-line. Two days a week that I will have more time to do other things. I’m still thinking about which two days, and I’m not going to be totally inflexible about the whole thing. I think that I’ve made a healthy decision though, and I pray for the grace to stick with it.

“To-Do” List

It’s nearing the end of July now and I’ve yet to make my “Summer To-Do List”.  Well, there’s no time like the present!

1. Remove horrid wallpaper from spare room and paint the room    (not started)

2. Write on blog  (working on it)

3. Visit relatives in Parma Heights OH (accomplished yesterday!)

4. Read books! (currently reading Thomas Merton’s Seven Storey Mountain)

5. Learn to meditate  (making good progress)

6. Get together with friends Christy, Carol, Katie, Carole, Kathy, Becky, Holly   (no progress here)

7. Get my house thouroughly cleaned  (some progress but those places are already in need of cleaning again…AND I can’t find my “dusting thing”)

8. Paint cabinets in kitchen (done!)

9. Go away for private retreat  (did that in June but it was a short time and I wish I could go again!)

10. Get rid of clothes that are not flattering and/or comfortable…especially shoes   (some progress)

11. Have some days where I can stay home and do very little   (happened once I think)

12. Prepare new classroom  (working on it)

13. Read over all standards and etc. for 2nd grade  (not yet…)

14. Do some fun things with other people   (Sunday had dinner with friends and went to outdoor concert, went to July 4 concert and fireworks, out to dinner with hubby and kids, browsing downtown with daughter, went to photo exhibit with group from church….not too bad!)

15. Ride my bike further than my own neighborhood  (I’ve thought about it a few times…)

16. Take care of all those once a year medical type appointments  (most scheduled)

17. Get computer fixed so it doesn’t make loud noise and works better  (I got a phone number of a guy…)

Ok, that’s enough!  God help me!

I think I’ll go to school now and keep working on number 12.

Everyday Adventure

It’s a beautiful sunny morning and I’m pondering the notion that every day can end up being a bit of an adventure.  It all depends upon the way I choose to look at the things that happen in the day.

On Saturday morning I woke up in the mood to bake oatmeal cookies. This was rather unusual as I have not baked cookies in 3 or 4 months. I was working that afternoon (at the caverns) so I went ahead and made the cookies then took some to work to share, as well as a few just for me. While at work that day I was in charge of cleaning the “museum”, which is the building directly over the entrance to the cavern where the tours end. A woman came up, obviously in some distress, and asked if I had any food. She explained that her blood sugar had dropped and she was not feeling well at all. We don’t carry snacks in the gift shop, but I did have the cookies I had just baked, so I gave her one. She soon was feeling better, and was quite grateful. When I told her the story of how I woke up with the unusual urge to bake cookies, we both realized that Someone was aware of her need. It pleased me that I had listened to the “urge to bake” and thus had been able to give the woman what she needed. That’s an adventure!

I wonder what today will bring?

Is UN-QUIT a word?

Long time no blog….

Ok, I admit that I’ve allowed myself to become discouraged with the whole blog thing. Mainly, I am confused by the technology. I want to do things that I don’t understand and don’t want to take the time to figure out, and don’t know how to begin to figure out.  I don’t think I’ve been doing the categories and tags right either.  Secondly, I’ve been asking my self, rather seriously, “just why do I do this anyway?” I didn’t much care for some of the answers I was coming up with. This reflection then led to the question, “just why would anyone anywhere want to read what I write anyway?” I concluded that anyone anywhere probably does not want to read this stuff, for the most part, although I must say “God Bless YOU” to anyone who does. I think the stats tell the story there. So, I quit.

I find that I miss it though…the discipline of writing on a regular basis, the occasional kind comment, the reading of the wise and funny words of some folks I’ve met through this mysterious (to me) electronic medium. So, I un-quit.

May the words begin to flow as the Spirit leads.

Where I’ve Been and A Place I’m Going

I approached Ash Wednesday with great anticipation. I felt ready to embark upon another journey into the ‘wilderness’ knowing that it would be a time of both self discovery (which may or may not…ok probably not…be comfortable) and of discovering God in a new way.

The journey began rather pleasantly (I will, perhaps, post the whole story in time) but I soon found myself in a place I did not want to be…ill in a hospital. Last school year I had become very ill and spent two weeks in hospital with severe pnemonia. With that in mind, I had become very germ conscious and was washing my hands at every opportunity and even had become adept at pushing a shopping cart without touching the handle. I really believed that I’d make it through the winter without serious illness again. That was not to be though.  I thought I had recovered from a mild flu when I suddenly spiked a fever and soon felt a familiar pain in my side, as it became harder to breathe. I did get away with only 3 days in my local hospital and, by the grace of God, it was actually a pretty good experience. In fact, while I was there I became convinced that I should become a hospital volunteer in spite of the fact that I don’t really need something else to do.

I begin my volunteer training this week by learning how to follow all those privacy regulations that health care workers and facilities must abide by. My job will be to staff the gift shop one evening a week. The shop is not currently open in the evenings, and for the time being the day I am there will be the only day it has evening hours. If all goes well, they’ll seek more volunteers for the evening shift. It’s a new adventure, and I must say I really don’t know why I am supposed to be doing this…I only know that I am.

On a different note, I must say that it feels good to be writing again. I think one thing that kept me away from the blog for so long is that I still don’t think I’m doing it right. I don’t quite get the categories and tags, and have trouble posting pictures…which is why I don’t do it very often. It’s work to figure all this stuff out and I guess I just wanted to get out of it!

Just Put Me in a Box

Just put me in a box,

padded soft with fluffy blankets and pillows

and sweet smelling pink flowers.

Just leave me in the box until the time

when again it’s bright with light and heat

outside.

Just put me in a box,

that’s warm and safe and let me

sleep the hours away,

not thinking,

not doing,

just waiting,

for SPRING.

New Year Changes

We rearranged the room in which my pet rabbit spends most of his time. He had particular spots where he liked to lay and his favorite hiding spot was under my platform rocker. The room now has a different look and feel, and I like it. It’s taking bunny a few days to adjust. He’s been sniffing in every nook and cranny and has not yet settled on new “favorite spots”. We were given a rocker-recliner that’s seen better days but is very comfortable. I no longer like the style of the platform rocker; it’s in very good condition so I plan to sell it at the used furniture store.

This first day of the new year found me in my classroom preparing for school to resume tomorrow. I rearranged the desks and changed a few other things as well. The room looks different and a bit more open. I think we will like it. I look forward to seeing the surprised looks on the children’s faces when they come in tomorrow morning.

When a new year begins there is only one thing that we know for sure will take place in the 12 months ahead: change. Many things just do not stay the same, and that’s not a bad thing although at times we fight some of the changes. We may have to find new “favorite spots” as we are drawn out, or forced out, of our comfort zones. Change is often a breath of fresh air. Change in circumstances, or even a room arrangement, changes us. It is up to us whether or not the change in us will be good or bad. Even a bad circumstance that forces a change can have a positive effect if we allow that to happen. I pray for the grace to accept the changes that come into my life in this year and to allow those changes to change me, and stretch me, and make me a better person.

One last thought on the topic. My parents have lived in the same house for more than 50 years, and there are at least two rooms that have been the same color all that time. The most recent redecorating took place in 1976. I find no comfort in that sameness, although obviously my parents do. Sometimes when I go into that house I feel stuck in time, and to me that is uncomfortable and boring.

Happy Birthday to Me: The Best is Yet to Be

note: the publish date says Dec. 25, but it’s really the 24th as I write this.

Today is my birthday. Not just any birthday, but the Big 5-0. The birthday I’ve been dreading for years.

Somehow I’d gotten the idea that the age of 50 was the beginning of the end, or something. I certainly wasn’t looking at being 50 as an assest. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in recent weeks though, and I have decided that this attitude is something that needs to fade into the past along with the decade of the 40’s.

I know lots of people that are older than I am. Many of them don’t seem any older to me, but I know that they are. As I’ve thought about people I know that are older than I, I have discovered that they all do cool and amazing things. Some of those things they didn’t even start doing until they were past 50. For instance, there is Dick who is perhaps old enough to be my father. He sings in the church choir even though it’s difficult for him to climb the steps to the choir loft with a foot that gives him trouble all the time. He takes voice lessons and sings in recitals. Then there is my dear friend Kerry who holds two jobs, sings, paints, quilts, and writes books to give to all her neices and nephews and a few others.  Wow!  We go walking together so I know she’s in decent shape too. Linda, who is about 15 years ahead of me in the age range,  hikes in Colorado where she and her husband moved only a year ago. She leads Bible studies and does tons of other stuff too, and this all while dealing with health issues as well.  My aunt Martha has lost a kidney and is diabetic, but manages to care for her handicapped granddaughter many days during the week, volunteers at a hospital, and goes to a health club to keep fit. Jo has survived a divorce, lost lots of weight and is looking super, is still a great teacher after more than 30 years, and is winning another fight with breast cancer. And she has a sense of humor to boot! The list could go on; I’ve discovered that doing interesting and valuable and fun things is not just for those in the realm of the young, or even the middle-aged.

So now I’m beginning to think that perhaps the best years of my life may be yet to come. Compared to when I was say 35, I am more confident, wiser, sassier, and I no longer have children living at home. I also laugh easier and longer, feel freer to be me than I ever have, and care less about what others may think. I am full of potential!

Happy Holidays!……or not….

Thanksgiving dinner was at my house; present being my brother and parents, and our two grown children. Other than the ham being too done and the rolls rising too much I thought things went pretty well. Dad and brother didn’t get in an argument, brother appeared less depressed than is usual on a holiday, hubby was helpful, and I managed not to do anything to inadvertantly upset the kids. Thank you God.

By late afternoon eveyone but one child had left and I could relax. Not only had things gone rather well, but I had managed to get through the day without getting upset myself. Holidays are never easy it seems, and honestly, that makes me angry. Holidays and family time together are supposed to be fun, right? So why is it, I have often wondered, that I would just as soon skip the entire holiday season? It is not fun. It is not happy. Holidays are days to be endured.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not anti-holiday. I love Thanksgiving in principal and I really enjoy this time of year at school, spending more time than is necessary educating my students about the Pilgrims and the reasons they came to the New World in the first place. I’m finding ways to enjoy Christmas within the parameters of the church; the anticipation of Advent, the music, and the beauty of the Christmas Eve service. The rest of Christmas however, the shopping, gifts, music, cards, baking, and etcetera, do nothing but make me feel inadequate and stressed. When it’s over I’m left with a dull ache in my heart that doesn’t begin to dissipate until mid-January.

In an effort to make some sense of the way I feel, I go back to the holidays of my childhood. Holidays were never a huge big deal like in many families. Mom did try to make things special though. Perhaps she tried too hard, because I don’t ever remember her has being anything but very stressed on such occasions. Dad, who worked 3rd shift, was around more during the days on holidays but that was a mixed blessing. He was hard to please, and my mother, and eventually my bother, bore the brunt of his harsh words. We all walked on eggshells. When I picture holidays at home I picture a little girl trying not to cry, or hiding in her room crying in private. It’s taken me most of my adult life to admit it, but while I have a few happy memories overall holidays were not happy times in the home I grew up in.

So the little girl grew up determined that things would be different and better in her own young family. She tried hard, probably too hard because she was always stressed and things never turned out like she hoped. Her husband was a gentle man, but not easy to please, so she kept trying harder. Her children, hopefully, have some good memories of their childhood holidays but have also been left with a deep sense of unrest and grief that holidays in their house were not quite the joyous events for which everyone seemed to hope. The grown up little girl still tries not to cry.