Blogging….Health Benefits?

Well, this settles it. Scientific American has declared that blogging is good for you, and me, and people in general. So, I just have to keep at this!

Read this informative article here.

Where I’ve Been and A Place I’m Going

I approached Ash Wednesday with great anticipation. I felt ready to embark upon another journey into the ‘wilderness’ knowing that it would be a time of both self discovery (which may or may not…ok probably not…be comfortable) and of discovering God in a new way.

The journey began rather pleasantly (I will, perhaps, post the whole story in time) but I soon found myself in a place I did not want to be…ill in a hospital. Last school year I had become very ill and spent two weeks in hospital with severe pnemonia. With that in mind, I had become very germ conscious and was washing my hands at every opportunity and even had become adept at pushing a shopping cart without touching the handle. I really believed that I’d make it through the winter without serious illness again. That was not to be though.  I thought I had recovered from a mild flu when I suddenly spiked a fever and soon felt a familiar pain in my side, as it became harder to breathe. I did get away with only 3 days in my local hospital and, by the grace of God, it was actually a pretty good experience. In fact, while I was there I became convinced that I should become a hospital volunteer in spite of the fact that I don’t really need something else to do.

I begin my volunteer training this week by learning how to follow all those privacy regulations that health care workers and facilities must abide by. My job will be to staff the gift shop one evening a week. The shop is not currently open in the evenings, and for the time being the day I am there will be the only day it has evening hours. If all goes well, they’ll seek more volunteers for the evening shift. It’s a new adventure, and I must say I really don’t know why I am supposed to be doing this…I only know that I am.

On a different note, I must say that it feels good to be writing again. I think one thing that kept me away from the blog for so long is that I still don’t think I’m doing it right. I don’t quite get the categories and tags, and have trouble posting pictures…which is why I don’t do it very often. It’s work to figure all this stuff out and I guess I just wanted to get out of it!

Thoughts on Balance

When I begin to teach my first graders about weight, we use a balance. You can put an object, say an eraser, on one side and see how many pennies it weighs by making the two sides balance. Or you can see if you can find another object that will balance with the eraser. Sounds easy, right? It’s harder than you’d think to get the two sides balanced, and we often settle for ‘close enough’. Then there are the kids that like to drop things into the cups on each side of the balance and watch the thing swing back and forth. A light touch definately works best when trying to get both sides balanced.

Just some thoughts I’ve had as I try to find a place of balance in my life. Harder than you think, swinging back and forth, light touch is best…….

Camping in the Land of Should

This time a year ago I was lying in a hospital bed with a very serious case of pneumonia. I’ve written that story before, and have an intense desire NOT to revisit it, which explains why I’ve not been writing of late.

I’m now on my second antibiotic for bronchitis, and have even resorted to using the nebulizer I had used during my illness last year. I admit to having had a real battle with fear in the past week. The pain and vulnerability of that time of serious illness has been right there staring me in the face. I couldn’t seem to stuff it back in the drawer I’d packed it away in along with that nebulizer. I thought I was healthy. I was stronger and healthier this summer than I’d been in years, so why am I not able to fight this off? Why am I going down that all too familiar road of some sort of respiratory dysfunction? What is wrong with me?

When I settled down enough to listen, I got some answers. It seems that I’ve wandered back into ‘the land of SHOULD’ and camped out there for too long.  During the long recovery from that serious illness I put myself first. Not in a selfish way, but rather in a necessary way. When I was tired, I left things undone. I learned to do the necessary first, knowing I may never get to the nice. I ate better than I probably have ever. I was very conscious of the things that caused stress in my life and as often as possible either eliminated those things or just plain decided not to get upset. I took time for my spirit in ways ranging from prayer and meditation to keeping fresh flowers around and reading books that I enjoyed. I said no to things I didn’t want to do, and said no to some things I did want to do but knew would not be in my best interest at the time. I didn’t care what anyone thought I should do. I haven’t been doing some of things at all anymore, and some others not much since school started.  Hummm, maybe this all has something to do with why I was not able to resist those germs flying around my workspace from coughing children; maybe it has something to do with why I’m having such a hard time getting over this bronchitis. Maybe I need to do something about the situation. Yes. More on that later.

It Takes FAITH to Live

I have an unexpected day off tomorrow because a student in the school where I teach was diagnosed with MRSA virus (Methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus). This is the infection that has been making the news lately because it’s resistant to most antibiotics.  The school must be thoroughly cleaned before classes resume on Friday.

Due to HIPPA laws we were not told who the student is or what class he or she is in. That bothers me. I’m fairly certain it’s no one in my room as no students have been absent the past few days. Even still, it bothers me that if it was someone in my room, I would not have the knowledge to know whose desk interior and materials should be cleaned. (As far as I know only the hard outer surfaces around the building will be cleaned.) I understand a right to privacy, but in cases like this it doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense.

Earlier in the week a mumps epidemic was declared in the school. Epidemic of one person. Apparantly epidemic status is given to even one outbreak of a disease that the majority of the population has been immunized against. I had the disease as a child so personally I’ve nothing to worry about, but WHY and HOW did an immunized child contract this disease?What is going on? I have a lot of questions and those “in the know” don’t really have a lot of answers.

The fact is, this kind of thing happens every day, and worse. I have of course been aware of that on one level. But now the dangers “out there” are right here, and that’s unsettling. Bad things, bizzare things even,  can and do happen. Everywhere.

The situation leaves us with choices. We can worry. We can become paranoid of every cough or scrape or bump. We can try at all costs to protect ourselves. We can have faith and trust God to take care of us. There is a balance. We should, I believe, use the wisdom and common sense God has gifted us with to take care of ourselves, but not to the point of paranoia. Fear is useless and obviously not what God wants of us. Why else would the words “do not fear” and “be not afraid” appear so many times in scripture? So the balance is to do what we are able to keep ourselves safe and healthy, and trust God to take care of the rest. 

Acceptance

I’m really bummed. This morning is the first church service with our new rector, and I’m here at home with laryngitis. So much for singing in the choir for the next few weeks too. Once I get over this I usually can’t sing for 3 weeks. I’m drinking tea and taking vitamins and gargling, and praying, that I will have enough voice by tomorrow to go to work.

I was SO hoping that this wouldn’t happen this fall. It’s happened every fall for 10 years now. I believed this year would be different because I’m healthier and my immune system is stronger than it has been in some years. I am grateful though. I’ve only had a mild cold and I’m not getting bronchitis. Yes, I am grateful!

So there’s nothing to do but accept the situation and make the best of it. Fighting it will only add to my stress and thus prolong the ailment. I’ll do another load of laundry to hang on my line. I’ll sleep some more. I’ll drink tea and sit in the sun and spend time with God in my own way. I’ll pray for my church and our new rector and for my own healing and have faith.

Sometimes We Have a Rough Beginning

I need to write. Not just because if I don’t pretty soon all 5 1/2 people who read this blog may just give up and never come back. While that’s a good reason to get going, the real reason is that I need to write for me. Jumping in now…..

Last week I started a new school year. Same school, same room, different kids. This is my 10th year teaching, and it was the most difficult first three days of school that I have ever experienced. By Friday afternoon I was frustrated, tired, and angry with myself for raising my voice too often. I rearranged the seats, trying to seperate the “problem” kids, but there weren’t enough “good” kids to accomplish that goal. I then spent a couple of hours planning for next week. Little wonder I chose to drink something stronger than iced tea by the time I got home.

Monday morning will be here all too soon and I have to go back to my classroom and face the challenges I’ve been presented with. I also have to somehow not let it all get to me. I am all too aware that ineffectively dealing with stress over a number of years was a precursor to my becoming so ill last fall. I don’t know how to do all this. I do know however, that God can bring peace, to my students and to me, in the midst of it all.  I think I need to pray now.

Stress

It’s nearly 2 am and I’m writing this because I can’t sleep; I can’t sleep because I spent a good part of the day sleeping. I’ve contracted a sinus thing and have lost my voice. I have fought fear today because this is how my long bout with illness began in the beginning of October past, but I am winning the battle at this point. I am, however, asking the Lord why I seem to suffer this voice loss so easily. There must be some connection somewhere to something…

I don’t bother questioning why I have fallen victim to this sinus/throat thing. I have little kids around me all day, many of whom have been coughing of late. There is one boy in particular that refuses to cover his mouth and is forever spewing germs into the environment. I’d like to kick him out of my classroom, but of course that is impossible. (OK. I forgive you Brock.) No one, least of all my principal, understands that I am still far from a state of “health”. So I have pushed it and kept going to the point of being too tired for my own good.

Since I could not work today, I called my massage therapist for an appointment. As I lay on the table while she worked her magic on my shoulder muscles, I contemplated the fact that I do not seem to deal well with stress. I am far less emotional now than I used to be, but the effects of stress on my body probably go deeper than I realize. I have felt like I’m doing pretty well lately in the coping department, but the rock-like muscles in my shoulders and neck tell me differently. I suddenly realized that God alone is capable of providing me with effective stress coping strategies. Anything I’ve thought to try has had little effect. I also realized that I may never have actually prayed for help in this. Well, now I have and I am eagerly awaiting guidance in coping with everyday and any day stress. Stress weakens my immune system, so if I’m ever going to be healthy I need to learn some coping skills. It is possible to learn. It is possible for me to be healthy. With God all things are possible, and in faith I choose to believe.

I CAN Do This

I have survived the first three days back at work, so I think I’ll be ok! I’m glad it turned out to be a short week with no school Monday and Tuesday, plus we were on one hour delay (to let the busses warm up in the sub zero weather I assume) both Thursday and Friday. I’m not sure I would have made it the whole week otherwise. Every day will get less exhausting though as I get back into the regular routine, and hopefully I won’t need to stay and work until 7:30 pm as I did on Friday. A new student had joined the class in December and turned out to be fairly on track academically but poorly behaved. I feel sorry for the girl, coming from a very bad home situation, but I can’t say I’m sorry that she is moving to another school district this weekend.
It’s a strange feeling to be back in the classroom after being gone for so long. Everything continued without me, and I feel disoriented jumping in again in the middle of the year. With God’s help I can do this.

So many things have changed since going through what I’ve been through. I’m eating better and taking all kinds of supplements, and keeping in mind that I must get enough rest even in the busy-ness of my regular schedule. I’m determined to get healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually than I have been in a long, long time.I place more value on myself in a way. I mean, I was always ready to put my own needs and desires aside to meet the needs of my family and the demands of my job. Not that this is all bad but I often would do this to my own detriment, either emotionally or physically. The first few days of my illness thought I was finished, my light about to go out, and in the process I found out that I’m more valuable than I will usually allow myself to acknowledge.

I sense changes in many areas of my life that I can’t articulate yet. I do know though that I have been given a gift; a chance to seek change, and the opportunity to walk out the rest of my life differently than I had ever considered. Exactly what this means will become clear in time. I pray that I will be able to keep walking in the changes and that I will hang on this new hope that has welled up in me over the past weeks. Help me dear Jesus. Yes, I can do this.

Cold and Forgiveness

I’ve decided it’s time to get back to writing.

Today was to be my first day back to work since my illness. Due to extreme cold however, school was cancelled! I’m waiting for the phone call saying that we are off again tomorrow as many schools in the area have already announced that they will be closed. So my first day back is a bit delayed.I believe that yet again God is causing me to work on the development of the gift of fogiveness. I have discovered that my substitute for the past three months apparantly did not do such a great job. I won’t know just how bad things are until I’m back in my classroom for a few days. This is very upsetting to me. Where was the supervision my principal should have been offering, I wonder? I could go on, but I’d best not. Then there were the events of today.

We are blessed to have a fireplace in our home. There is a gas line running to it with a valve, so that you can start the fire “easily”. We had never used it and didn’t know if the valve was on or off by the fireplace; we only knew that the gas was turned off in the basement. I had no desire to ever turn on the gas and had voiced that opinion many times. I think it’s a whimpy way to start a fire and I’m afraid of blowing the house up. Well, hubby got it into his head that he’d just turn the gas on and start a fire the easy way this morning. Problem was, by the time he got up from the basement the house was filled with gas fumes because the valve by the fireplace was wide open.

I ended up spending all morning at the local coffee shop. I figured the last thing I needed was to be inhaling toxic fumes of any sort. When I got home I found hubby lounging in his chair reading a book, completely oblivious to the fact the house still smelled nearly as bad as it did when I left. By God’s grace I was patient as I explained that he needed to turn off the furnace and open windows on both sides of the house for at least an hour. Then I left for the library.

Hungry and feeling sick from the cinnamon roll I’d eaten at the coffee shop, I drove through a fast food place for lunch on my way to the library. That’s when it hit me.
“I’m way too angry”, I thought. “This anger/stress is only going to hurt me, so I have to let it go.” Furthermore, I knew that I had to forgive dear hubby for what I considered to be a totally mindless and thoughtless act. After a few hours at the library I got in the car to return home, knowing that I had forgiven and hoping that I’d be able to stay home once I got there.

As I write this the house smells fine and there’s a nice fire in the fireplace that was started the whimpy way. Hubby is still mentally kicking himself even though I told him that I forgive him, and I’m just weary. School has officially been called off for tomorrow and I am praying for the grace to make the most of the gift of the day.